Lost

I had one of the worst days I've had in a very long time. I didn't get to sleep until about 6 this morning. I did try to go to bed at a decent hour but I just laid there looking at the ceiling. My mind was moving too fast for me to relax. When I was finally able to doze off, I had to be up about 2 hours later. When I got up, I knew I wasn't going to have a good day, so I decided to take my meds. I haven't taken them in a while and thought they would put me in a good mood but a few hours later, they did the opposite. I got to work and knew it would be downhill. I tried my best to keep it together because my work doesn't require much from me. I basically sit all day and have little interaction with the public, but even that was too much for me. For 2 hours I was futile in holding back tears. I was very disconnected and just wanted to harm myself. I tried to keep it together at least until my lunch hour, but I couldn't do it. I just wanted to go to a hospital. I needed some kind of help that only a professional would be able to give me. As I told my manager that I needed to be sent home to go to the hospital, she hesitated. She wasn't sure if there was enough staff to cover my absence. I didn't want to have to quit in order to admit myself, but if it was a matter of getting some help, I would have done what needed to be done. I was able to go home, but that raised more confusion and feelings of despair. I had been through these emotions 2 years ago, and tried to admit myself to a psychiatric hospital, but when they found out that I had no insurance and wasn't a danger to myself or others, they sent me home with a $150 bill. I was afraid they would do the same thing, but I tried anyway. I went to Einstein Hospital, but after waiting 5 hours to be seen, I was told the exact same thing: there's nothing we can do for you. I rushed home only to cry myself to sleep. I don't know what to do in situations like these. Had I been a threat to society, I would've gotten medical help. But because I had the common sense to know that harming others would not help me, I feel like I'm being punished. Luckily, I have the next four days off, but I don't know what to do during that time. if I try to fight through this, the feelings will just resurface. But I can't get any medical attention to make them go away. What can I do?