As you can see I decided to change the layout. I was tired of looking at the old one, but this one isn't too exciting. I'll probably change it again in the near future.
Have no plans for the day. Haven't slept all night, but I did sleep all day yesterday. I will most likely not go to sleep until tonight.
Just talking about the usual: nothing.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Stand Up Straight
Today was my birthday. My usual celebrations are very low key and decided to keep the tradition going. When I was taking a nap to get ready for the night, I got a call from a neighborhood friend, Joe, whom I haven't seen on about a month. When he found out that it was my birthday, he insisted that I come see him to celebrate.
I go to his house, and found that he was chilling with a few mutual friends, one of which was
J-dub. Because of the previous encounters with him, I decided that this would be the perfect time for me to get a few things off of my chest.
Once we were alone, I let him know how I felt about the situation and where we stand as friends.
1) I thought it was very strange, weird and down right disrespectful for him to not give me an official statement as to why we stopped dating, but I also let him know that I didn't let that interfere with our friendship.
2)With the way our last conversation went, I had to rethink we were we stood. I told him that I waited so long to say something because I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but found that even that was too much. All in all, I told him that I was disappointed and hurt that he didn't offer any kind of help for the situation I was in. And that I'm not saying that our friendship has ended, but at this point, I feel that it would be in my best interest that I distance from him. I also made it a point that I didn't want him to feel guilty or to think that he has to kiss my ass and the ground that I walk on, but I just expected him to be there for me like I have been there for him.
His side about the whole thing was:
1) He didn't know how to tell me that he wanted to be celibate, and thought I would be mad at him (which I was not. I was just mad that he didn't tell me directly. I had to figure that out on my own)
2)He pulled away from me because he had more things on his plate. ( to which I responded that I was not being angry about that, but instead angry that he gave me the impression that he didn't want to be bothered by me)
3) As long as the phone called was concerned, he was looking at it from his perspective. Whenever he's having a bad day, he'd rather not have anyone say anything to him, because that almost makes the situation worst, which he didn't want to do to me. ( Again, I told him that, whatever he was feeling he had to right to feel that way, but the fact that he said nothing, made the situation worse. Had he said that, I would've as least know that he wanted to do something, but didn't know what it was that needed to be done.)
In the end, I feel a little better that I got it off of my chest, but a small part of me thinks that it didn't even matter. He's still going to be him, and I'm still going to be me. Which is all that we can do. This just made me realize that I can't give people the benefit of the doubt. I just need to take things as that are. This birthday wasn't at all what I expected, but I did learn something: to not worry about people's feeling and to let people know how I feel. All I can do is what's best for me. If people have a problem with that, then they weren't real friends to begin with.
Here's to strengthening my backbone. I got a feeling that it's going to come in handy this year.
I go to his house, and found that he was chilling with a few mutual friends, one of which was
J-dub. Because of the previous encounters with him, I decided that this would be the perfect time for me to get a few things off of my chest.
Once we were alone, I let him know how I felt about the situation and where we stand as friends.
1) I thought it was very strange, weird and down right disrespectful for him to not give me an official statement as to why we stopped dating, but I also let him know that I didn't let that interfere with our friendship.
2)With the way our last conversation went, I had to rethink we were we stood. I told him that I waited so long to say something because I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but found that even that was too much. All in all, I told him that I was disappointed and hurt that he didn't offer any kind of help for the situation I was in. And that I'm not saying that our friendship has ended, but at this point, I feel that it would be in my best interest that I distance from him. I also made it a point that I didn't want him to feel guilty or to think that he has to kiss my ass and the ground that I walk on, but I just expected him to be there for me like I have been there for him.
His side about the whole thing was:
1) He didn't know how to tell me that he wanted to be celibate, and thought I would be mad at him (which I was not. I was just mad that he didn't tell me directly. I had to figure that out on my own)
2)He pulled away from me because he had more things on his plate. ( to which I responded that I was not being angry about that, but instead angry that he gave me the impression that he didn't want to be bothered by me)
3) As long as the phone called was concerned, he was looking at it from his perspective. Whenever he's having a bad day, he'd rather not have anyone say anything to him, because that almost makes the situation worst, which he didn't want to do to me. ( Again, I told him that, whatever he was feeling he had to right to feel that way, but the fact that he said nothing, made the situation worse. Had he said that, I would've as least know that he wanted to do something, but didn't know what it was that needed to be done.)
In the end, I feel a little better that I got it off of my chest, but a small part of me thinks that it didn't even matter. He's still going to be him, and I'm still going to be me. Which is all that we can do. This just made me realize that I can't give people the benefit of the doubt. I just need to take things as that are. This birthday wasn't at all what I expected, but I did learn something: to not worry about people's feeling and to let people know how I feel. All I can do is what's best for me. If people have a problem with that, then they weren't real friends to begin with.
Here's to strengthening my backbone. I got a feeling that it's going to come in handy this year.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Lost For Words
What a week it has been.
Last Friday marked the last day of employment at my job. After thoughtful consideration about the position, I decided to quit. Nothing happened to bring about this decision, I just decided that I wasn't happy about going to work as I have been in the past. My co-workers were sad about my departure, but celebrated the new phase in my life over drinks on my last day. We reminisced about the good times and bad, and tried to predict the future of the 'newbies'. The night was ended with hugs and kisses and promises to keep in touch. It was hard leaving such an awesome group of people, but I knew it had to be done before the situation got any worse. it won't be long before we meet up again. I'm going to attend their annual hospitality party on Tuesday.
The majority of the following week was spent on my room, a.k.a. The Dungeon, mulling over my future. I've done the neccessary steps needed to start school in the fall but it's nerve wrecking waiting on the final word from the financial aid department.
Just when I had calmed my brain from obsessing about school, I got some devastating news from my mother. She told me about my sister's graduation today, which we are all happy about, but in the same breath, she told me that my sister is also pregnant. Under normal circumstances, a new birth is exciting, but in my sister's case, this couldn't have come at a worse time. My sister is 35, already taking care of 2 of her own children, plus her little sister, and she plans on getting her teaching certificate this fall. Just when things were going good for her, it seems like she has been set back. My mother is devastated. She and my sister have a very close bond, but this may be the one thing that derails that. My sister feels that people don't think she can handle this, but she doesn't understand that it's not about whether or not she can handle the situation; it's about finding the best solution. And this isn't it.
In about 30 minutes we're going to her graduation, but it won't be a celebration. No one wants to go because we all feel that we can't ignore what's going on. I haven't seen my sister since I got the news, and I think that's for the best. It's hard not being judgemental, but I feel like she's making the wrong decision.
I don't know what else to say. I'm speechless....
Last Friday marked the last day of employment at my job. After thoughtful consideration about the position, I decided to quit. Nothing happened to bring about this decision, I just decided that I wasn't happy about going to work as I have been in the past. My co-workers were sad about my departure, but celebrated the new phase in my life over drinks on my last day. We reminisced about the good times and bad, and tried to predict the future of the 'newbies'. The night was ended with hugs and kisses and promises to keep in touch. It was hard leaving such an awesome group of people, but I knew it had to be done before the situation got any worse. it won't be long before we meet up again. I'm going to attend their annual hospitality party on Tuesday.
The majority of the following week was spent on my room, a.k.a. The Dungeon, mulling over my future. I've done the neccessary steps needed to start school in the fall but it's nerve wrecking waiting on the final word from the financial aid department.
Just when I had calmed my brain from obsessing about school, I got some devastating news from my mother. She told me about my sister's graduation today, which we are all happy about, but in the same breath, she told me that my sister is also pregnant. Under normal circumstances, a new birth is exciting, but in my sister's case, this couldn't have come at a worse time. My sister is 35, already taking care of 2 of her own children, plus her little sister, and she plans on getting her teaching certificate this fall. Just when things were going good for her, it seems like she has been set back. My mother is devastated. She and my sister have a very close bond, but this may be the one thing that derails that. My sister feels that people don't think she can handle this, but she doesn't understand that it's not about whether or not she can handle the situation; it's about finding the best solution. And this isn't it.
In about 30 minutes we're going to her graduation, but it won't be a celebration. No one wants to go because we all feel that we can't ignore what's going on. I haven't seen my sister since I got the news, and I think that's for the best. It's hard not being judgemental, but I feel like she's making the wrong decision.
I don't know what else to say. I'm speechless....
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