During the last week or so, I've noticed a change. I no longer sleep for more than 10 hours, waking up like I'm coming out of a coma. Instead, I'm either having the drowsiness of wanting to sleep, lying in bed for about an hour before dozing off for 15-30 minutes, waking up bright-eyed and bushy tailed. Or I'm staying awake all night, worried that I'm going to miss a phone call from a friend in need or an urgent knock at the door, only to have 12 boring, anxious hours pass and be as bored then as I was the night before.
I've been awake since 10 a.m. Saturday morning (it is now 10:30 p.m. Sunday night). Even though I haven't slept, I've managed to make it to work today, not only on time, but early. And I had a pretty good day. I thought I would crash in the afternoon, but I managed to slide right through the grogginess that comes with insomnia, but couldn't avoid the haziness of a 36 hour day. Seeing how I was able to survive, I'm kinda thinking about trying it again.
My body wants to relax, but for some reason, my brain is telling me that it must keep moving. That there are too many thoughts for my head to hold, so I must put them to paper. And once they're on paper, I must organize them so they'll make sense to an outsider. This is what my brain tells me everynight, but lately, I haven't been able to fight it. I don't have a sparkling clean house which results from hours of idle hands. I have numerous pages of journal entries from a bustling brain.
I've taken my meds but I'll be seeing the doctor this week to try something new.
I'm not going to give in and continue my too long day. I'm going to compromise by writing a little. Maybe just a few pages, then force myself to go to bed. No matter how much I'm going to want to get up, I'm going to remind myself that my journal will be there in morning. And if it's something too important to not record, I won't forget it.
No comments:
Post a Comment