I haven't posted because I haven't been up to much.

Wake up around noon
Have a cup of coffee and a cigarrette
Eat
Lie down
Smoke and eat some more
Go to bed

Day in and day out that's what its been until today. I didn't do much but I did something different. When I woke up I had my usual craving for coffee but instead of just going down the stairs and pouring a brewed cup I got myself together and went to Dunkin' Donuts. It doesn't sound like much but getting out of the house in the morning, outside of going to work, is a big thing. Its a whole process that on most days I'd rather not do. But today I did it. Not only did I get coffee but I went to the beauty supply store to get some fake hair for my new hair do.

For the past few years I've been wearing my natural hair texture, which is kinky. I've done hair dyes and hot oil treaments but nothing to make it straight. I realized that by not wearing my natural textures I was falling into the hype that I wasn't beautiful. That the real me was something I had to hide. It took me years to get over the perms and straighteners but today I realized that I'm not ashamed of myself, but instead ashamed for the people who believe all that hype. Don't get me wrong. I love a big beautiful fro as much as Sister Souljah but I also love the fact that I am a woman and can change my look whenever the mood strikes. So today had less to do with me getting out of the house and more to do with me accepting the fact that I like fake hair and am proud of it.

I know it's been a while but life has gotten in the way. I haven't been up to much but I've been enjoying my time off. I sleep in late, eat all day and go to bed in the a.m. hours. It's been okay so far. In an attempt at getting my life together I checked out a cosmetology school. Empire to be exact. I was a little turned off by it because I want to go to Jean Madeline, but I thought I'd give it a shot. The recruiter also turned me off before I even met him.

I requested more info on the web and within 2 days he calls me to set up an appointment. I reluctantly scheduled an appt for the evening hours but the more I thought about driving to an unfamiliar place at night, the more I didn't like it. When I called to reschedule the appt, he asked me if I was rescheduling because something more important came up. That didn't sound very friendly to me and I immediately thought of him as being a dick but I was wrong.

Once I got there he was extremely friendly and very excited to have me there. I was a little uncomfortable because it was kind of like an interview, which always freaks me out, but overall it was okay. When trying to get to know more about me he asked if I had any other obligations, kids, husband, and he even asked if I had any medical conditions, particularly depression. On one hand I was happy about being asked because it showed how far employers have come, but on the other hand I was paranoid because I thought I was giving off a 'vibe'. I didn't let him in on my little secret. I didn't know him well enough. I left the place elated because I was trying to get my life together and I actually got out of the house. Now I need to work on tomorrow.