My neighbors partying at 3 in the morning
or
Me being up to hear them?
Friday, June 27, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
The Eye of the Beholder
While running errands last Thursday I got a flat tire. I was fortunate enough for it to happen around the corner from home, but it was still something I had to deal with. Due to my procrastination, I waited until Friday to call my friend, B, for help. I don't drive on a daily basis, so changing the tire wasn't an immediate priority, but getting a new one was.
On Saturday B took me to get the new tire, put it in my trunk, and left with promises to return the next day to put it on.
Sunday came and went with no sign of B. Not even a phone call to reschedule.
By Tuesday morning I was a little upset that he still hadn't come through, but then I started to think about. I've seen a tire replaced before, I have the tools needed, and I have the manual with the instructions on how to do it. What's stopping me from doing it myself? The more I thought about it, the more confident I became. It takes a lot of elbow grease, but it's a good skill to have. After some coffee and a smoke, I got to work.
A few minutes into it, a few of my male neighbors watched in awe. They couldn't believe that I actually wanted to replace my tire. They offered help numerous times. I politely declined, but asked them if they could stand by in case I needed some muscle. Good thing they did because those lug nuts were a bitch. Forty-five minutes and two scrapes later, I was done. I successfully changed my tire.
I was so proud of myself that I told another friend, Bruce, of my accomplishment. He was impressed, but also a little disrespected. In his eyes, replacing my tire was taken as a slap in the face to men. He felt that I gave off the impression that I don't need men. I'm an 'independent woman'. WHAT?!! I told him that I didn't do it as feminist act, but instead a confident one. I knew that I would need some kind of help, which is why I asked the guys to supervise, but I wanted to learn. He could see my point, but he still didn't get it. And I don't get his.
Why is confidence and independence perceived as disrespect? Why are some men offended by a women paying for dinner, but not about her asking him to pay her bills? She can ask him to unclog the toilet, but she can't do it herself? I don't get it. I'm all for a man being a 'gentleman' but I'm also for a versatile, independent woman. There's nothing wrong with being treated like a lady, but you should be ready to get your hands dirty if need be.
In agreeing to disagree, I can truly appreciate the diversity in perceptions. I just have to find someone who can accept the diversity in me.
On Saturday B took me to get the new tire, put it in my trunk, and left with promises to return the next day to put it on.
Sunday came and went with no sign of B. Not even a phone call to reschedule.
By Tuesday morning I was a little upset that he still hadn't come through, but then I started to think about. I've seen a tire replaced before, I have the tools needed, and I have the manual with the instructions on how to do it. What's stopping me from doing it myself? The more I thought about it, the more confident I became. It takes a lot of elbow grease, but it's a good skill to have. After some coffee and a smoke, I got to work.
A few minutes into it, a few of my male neighbors watched in awe. They couldn't believe that I actually wanted to replace my tire. They offered help numerous times. I politely declined, but asked them if they could stand by in case I needed some muscle. Good thing they did because those lug nuts were a bitch. Forty-five minutes and two scrapes later, I was done. I successfully changed my tire.
I was so proud of myself that I told another friend, Bruce, of my accomplishment. He was impressed, but also a little disrespected. In his eyes, replacing my tire was taken as a slap in the face to men. He felt that I gave off the impression that I don't need men. I'm an 'independent woman'. WHAT?!! I told him that I didn't do it as feminist act, but instead a confident one. I knew that I would need some kind of help, which is why I asked the guys to supervise, but I wanted to learn. He could see my point, but he still didn't get it. And I don't get his.
Why is confidence and independence perceived as disrespect? Why are some men offended by a women paying for dinner, but not about her asking him to pay her bills? She can ask him to unclog the toilet, but she can't do it herself? I don't get it. I'm all for a man being a 'gentleman' but I'm also for a versatile, independent woman. There's nothing wrong with being treated like a lady, but you should be ready to get your hands dirty if need be.
In agreeing to disagree, I can truly appreciate the diversity in perceptions. I just have to find someone who can accept the diversity in me.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
I've Got Dreams
Took a nap today and had a dream that has me totally creeped out and upset. I know people perceive dreams like pictures: if they're not in them or no one is naked, they're not interested, but I'm going to tell you anyway.
Start dream
In a supermarket with two of my cousins. We were trying to steal a bag of chocolate chip cookies for my 30th birthday, but the place was filled with cops. Somehow we managed to steal the cookies undetected but ended up in a subway tunnel.
I was then with my father, mother and older sister trying to get to the birthday party. We were looking for the stairwell that led to the city streets but kept getting turned around. After what seemed like hours we found the street but it was pouring down raining and we had no umbrellas. I was anxious to get to the party so I looked to my right and saw Ponderosa's, which is where the party was. I went to open the door but it wouldn't open more than 3 inches. It felt like someone was holding it on the other side. I finally got the door open and everything went black. The lights came on and I was in my ex-boyfriend's living room.
I immediately pitched a fit with my sister. I kept screaming, 'What am I doing here?!' 'Why are you doing this to me?!' 'He hasn't changed!'
Her response was, 'Give him a chance... We're trying to do what's best for you... Give him a chance.'
He was standing by with a mischievous grin while his daughter excitedly talked about my birthday. I noticed two trunks near the wall. To show my sister that he hadn't changed, I opened them up to find thousands of love letters to and from other girls. As I was doing that, there was a knock at the door. He hurriedly ran past me, and once he opened it, he started whispering to the guest and closed the door behind him. I pushed past him to see a teenage boy there to pick up his daughter.
I ran to the bathroom and kept asking my cousins why they were doing this to me, and they just gave me a look that said, 'We had no choice.'
When I walked back to the living room, it was now filled with a large table, where his family members were being served dinner. He was sitting at the head of the table, dressed in a tuxedo, and to his right was his mother, and to his left was his step-mother. All she could say was, 'We're doing what's best for you.'
When I turned around I was in my house explaining my anger towards my mother and sister to my grandmother (who passed away five years ago). After I kept asking them why they would do something like that, they all gave me a look that said, 'Because you want him back.'
End dream
This dream creeps me out because I was sure that I was over him. Even before the relationship was over, I was over him. There were many months after the breakup that he contacted me to 'work things out', but I refused. But after having this dream, I'm started to doubt my feelings. I'm smart enough to know that I'm better off without him, but does this dream mean that my heart doesn't know?
Start dream
In a supermarket with two of my cousins. We were trying to steal a bag of chocolate chip cookies for my 30th birthday, but the place was filled with cops. Somehow we managed to steal the cookies undetected but ended up in a subway tunnel.
I was then with my father, mother and older sister trying to get to the birthday party. We were looking for the stairwell that led to the city streets but kept getting turned around. After what seemed like hours we found the street but it was pouring down raining and we had no umbrellas. I was anxious to get to the party so I looked to my right and saw Ponderosa's, which is where the party was. I went to open the door but it wouldn't open more than 3 inches. It felt like someone was holding it on the other side. I finally got the door open and everything went black. The lights came on and I was in my ex-boyfriend's living room.
I immediately pitched a fit with my sister. I kept screaming, 'What am I doing here?!' 'Why are you doing this to me?!' 'He hasn't changed!'
Her response was, 'Give him a chance... We're trying to do what's best for you... Give him a chance.'
He was standing by with a mischievous grin while his daughter excitedly talked about my birthday. I noticed two trunks near the wall. To show my sister that he hadn't changed, I opened them up to find thousands of love letters to and from other girls. As I was doing that, there was a knock at the door. He hurriedly ran past me, and once he opened it, he started whispering to the guest and closed the door behind him. I pushed past him to see a teenage boy there to pick up his daughter.
I ran to the bathroom and kept asking my cousins why they were doing this to me, and they just gave me a look that said, 'We had no choice.'
When I walked back to the living room, it was now filled with a large table, where his family members were being served dinner. He was sitting at the head of the table, dressed in a tuxedo, and to his right was his mother, and to his left was his step-mother. All she could say was, 'We're doing what's best for you.'
When I turned around I was in my house explaining my anger towards my mother and sister to my grandmother (who passed away five years ago). After I kept asking them why they would do something like that, they all gave me a look that said, 'Because you want him back.'
End dream
This dream creeps me out because I was sure that I was over him. Even before the relationship was over, I was over him. There were many months after the breakup that he contacted me to 'work things out', but I refused. But after having this dream, I'm started to doubt my feelings. I'm smart enough to know that I'm better off without him, but does this dream mean that my heart doesn't know?
Monday, June 16, 2008
Nothing Up My Sleeve
Last week I got out of my comfort zone and went on a date. Well, not a date in the traditional sense, where dinner and a movie was involved, but a date in the modern sense that's now called 'hanging out'.
While I was in Richmond I decided to email an old co-worker whom I hadn't talked to in about 6 months. After a few emails of updating each other on work, school and leisure time, he asked if I wanted to get a drink sometime. Getting drinks was common practice for my co-workers, so I didn't think anything of it.
He showed up on time (which was a major plus-I hate tardiness), and two hours later I got the sense that he was ready to go. We walked outside, talked a little more, and when I started to wrap up the night, he opposed. I told him that it wasn't that I wanted to leave, but there really wasn't much to do at midnight on a weeknight. We decided to take a little walk, and midway into it, he invites me back to his place.
Got to his apartment and almost fell in love. His entire living room was filled with overflowing bookshelves (I'll take intelligence over looks any day- but he's also quite the looker). We talked even more until I decided that it was definitely time for me to go. I didn't necessarily want to leave but he has a hell of a commute to work and I didn't want him to regret staying up all night. It was 2 in the morning. He understood my reason for leaving but he also said that he wasn't kicking me out. We ended the night with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
Now comes the hard part. I'm a little dense when it comes to reading between the lines, but I'd like to think that he wanted me to stay because he was digging me. Instead of asking him out this time, I sent an email thanking him for a good time and asked him to get me a copy of a book he had at his place. When I saw it I told him that it was a book I wanted, and he offered to get me a copy from his work, but at the time, I declined. I figure, getting the book from him is an in to hanging out again. I know it's a tad bit immature, but I'm a chump. Hopefully my plan will work. If it doesn't, at least I get a book out of the deal.
While I was in Richmond I decided to email an old co-worker whom I hadn't talked to in about 6 months. After a few emails of updating each other on work, school and leisure time, he asked if I wanted to get a drink sometime. Getting drinks was common practice for my co-workers, so I didn't think anything of it.
He showed up on time (which was a major plus-I hate tardiness), and two hours later I got the sense that he was ready to go. We walked outside, talked a little more, and when I started to wrap up the night, he opposed. I told him that it wasn't that I wanted to leave, but there really wasn't much to do at midnight on a weeknight. We decided to take a little walk, and midway into it, he invites me back to his place.
Got to his apartment and almost fell in love. His entire living room was filled with overflowing bookshelves (I'll take intelligence over looks any day- but he's also quite the looker). We talked even more until I decided that it was definitely time for me to go. I didn't necessarily want to leave but he has a hell of a commute to work and I didn't want him to regret staying up all night. It was 2 in the morning. He understood my reason for leaving but he also said that he wasn't kicking me out. We ended the night with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
Now comes the hard part. I'm a little dense when it comes to reading between the lines, but I'd like to think that he wanted me to stay because he was digging me. Instead of asking him out this time, I sent an email thanking him for a good time and asked him to get me a copy of a book he had at his place. When I saw it I told him that it was a book I wanted, and he offered to get me a copy from his work, but at the time, I declined. I figure, getting the book from him is an in to hanging out again. I know it's a tad bit immature, but I'm a chump. Hopefully my plan will work. If it doesn't, at least I get a book out of the deal.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Dear God, It's Me....
Over the last few weeks I've unexpectedly been having more and more thoughts about God. I don't recall an incidence that bought these thoughts about, I just realized that I've been pondering his existence. Well, not really his existence (even though that question has come up), but the reason behind my belief in his existence. I do believe in God, but the more I think about it, my belief is is out of fear and habit.
I was raised in a Christian home and engaged in the typical religious activities. Church on Sunday and holidays, praying before meals and in times of need, and going to bible camp over the summer. I can't say that I loved church, but it was a part of my weekly activities that I grew accustomed to.
Not until I was about 12 did I start to have questions. I started to doubt the sermon and the true intent of the pastor. It never made sense to me that, in order for me to get closer to God, I had to go through his 'servant', i.e. the pastor. And in order to receive my blessings I had to give money. What I thought was extortion, others believed to be tithes. I tries not to question anything, but the more I stayed the silent the angrier I became.
After a while, I slowly stopped going to Sunday services, but there was no way I could get out of going on Easter. In my family, all missed services throughout the year can be made up on Easter Sunday. When I voiced my opinion to my mother, all hell broke loose. Looking back I should have just sat through a boring service, because my mother just yelled at me for 2 hours about my evil ways.
As the years passed, I realized that church isn't for me. I can still have a relationship with God without sitting through a sermon. To compensate for the sermons I've bought books on how to interpret the Bible and religious dictionaries.
I don't know if the new information raised more questions about my beliefs but I started wonder: do I believe in God out of fear or love? Do I fear that my disbelief will ultimately hurt me, or if my love will save me?
I'm at a crossroads. I don't want to love something that doesn't exist. I'll feel like a fool. But, I don't want to deny his presence. And, how will I know if he actually exist? Or doesn't exist? I could love and serve him anyway, but wouldn't he know that I don't have true love in my heart? He is an all-knowing God.
Because I come from a somewhat religious family, I can't dare ask for their opinions. At least not yet. But I need some input.
Do you believe in God? Why/Why not?
I was raised in a Christian home and engaged in the typical religious activities. Church on Sunday and holidays, praying before meals and in times of need, and going to bible camp over the summer. I can't say that I loved church, but it was a part of my weekly activities that I grew accustomed to.
Not until I was about 12 did I start to have questions. I started to doubt the sermon and the true intent of the pastor. It never made sense to me that, in order for me to get closer to God, I had to go through his 'servant', i.e. the pastor. And in order to receive my blessings I had to give money. What I thought was extortion, others believed to be tithes. I tries not to question anything, but the more I stayed the silent the angrier I became.
After a while, I slowly stopped going to Sunday services, but there was no way I could get out of going on Easter. In my family, all missed services throughout the year can be made up on Easter Sunday. When I voiced my opinion to my mother, all hell broke loose. Looking back I should have just sat through a boring service, because my mother just yelled at me for 2 hours about my evil ways.
As the years passed, I realized that church isn't for me. I can still have a relationship with God without sitting through a sermon. To compensate for the sermons I've bought books on how to interpret the Bible and religious dictionaries.
I don't know if the new information raised more questions about my beliefs but I started wonder: do I believe in God out of fear or love? Do I fear that my disbelief will ultimately hurt me, or if my love will save me?
I'm at a crossroads. I don't want to love something that doesn't exist. I'll feel like a fool. But, I don't want to deny his presence. And, how will I know if he actually exist? Or doesn't exist? I could love and serve him anyway, but wouldn't he know that I don't have true love in my heart? He is an all-knowing God.
Because I come from a somewhat religious family, I can't dare ask for their opinions. At least not yet. But I need some input.
Do you believe in God? Why/Why not?
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Love Is All You Need
Back from VA.
I initially thought I wasn't going to be able to go because I couldn't find a ride, but at the last minute I was able to squeeze into my cousin's car.
Got there Tuesday night. Socialized over drinks.
Wednesday we did a little shopping. Went back to the house to relax and get ready for the next day.
Thursday was the graduation. It was very nice. It's still hard to believe that my little cousin graduated from high school. It seems like it was just last year that he graduated from the 8th grade. Went back to the house to get get things together for the cookout on Friday. And we also did a little dancing before bed :)
Friday afternoon I was having a smoke in the backyard - which is beautiful atop a very large, serene wooded area, that leads to the lake - and was greeted by a lost dog. I wasn't sure if he got away from his owners while going for a walk or if he was a neighborhood dog. Luckily he had a tag on him, but no one answered when I called the number to report him found. I didn't want to leave him there, so I did my good deed for the day. I gave him water, cleaned the leaves out of his hair and made a make shift leash with plastic bags so I could walk him around to look for his parents. Just when I was about to stress, his owners pulled up. They lived a few doors down, but was out running errands and had no idea that he escaped from their backyard. They were very grateful that I took care of him. I must admit that I was a little bummed. I love dogs, and liked feeding and walking him, even if was only for 30 minutes or so. But I'm sure they loved him more than I did in the little bit of time I had him.
Afterwards, we went to the park to have the cookout and it was a blast. We ate, drank, danced, took pictures, and played on the swings as if we were children with no responsibilities.
By the time we got home, we decided that we would head back to Philly. My cousin didn't want to have to go straight to class after driving from VA.
Got home at 2 this morning.
Even though I was hesitant about going because I had very little money, I am very glad that I did. Being there just enforced the one of the values we all learned growing up: it doesn't take money to be a loving and supportive family. I may talk a lot of trash about my family, and sometimes wish things were different, but I cn truly say that, at this point in my life, I wouldn't trade them for anything.
I initially thought I wasn't going to be able to go because I couldn't find a ride, but at the last minute I was able to squeeze into my cousin's car.
Got there Tuesday night. Socialized over drinks.
Wednesday we did a little shopping. Went back to the house to relax and get ready for the next day.
Thursday was the graduation. It was very nice. It's still hard to believe that my little cousin graduated from high school. It seems like it was just last year that he graduated from the 8th grade. Went back to the house to get get things together for the cookout on Friday. And we also did a little dancing before bed :)
Friday afternoon I was having a smoke in the backyard - which is beautiful atop a very large, serene wooded area, that leads to the lake - and was greeted by a lost dog. I wasn't sure if he got away from his owners while going for a walk or if he was a neighborhood dog. Luckily he had a tag on him, but no one answered when I called the number to report him found. I didn't want to leave him there, so I did my good deed for the day. I gave him water, cleaned the leaves out of his hair and made a make shift leash with plastic bags so I could walk him around to look for his parents. Just when I was about to stress, his owners pulled up. They lived a few doors down, but was out running errands and had no idea that he escaped from their backyard. They were very grateful that I took care of him. I must admit that I was a little bummed. I love dogs, and liked feeding and walking him, even if was only for 30 minutes or so. But I'm sure they loved him more than I did in the little bit of time I had him.
Afterwards, we went to the park to have the cookout and it was a blast. We ate, drank, danced, took pictures, and played on the swings as if we were children with no responsibilities.
By the time we got home, we decided that we would head back to Philly. My cousin didn't want to have to go straight to class after driving from VA.
Got home at 2 this morning.
Even though I was hesitant about going because I had very little money, I am very glad that I did. Being there just enforced the one of the values we all learned growing up: it doesn't take money to be a loving and supportive family. I may talk a lot of trash about my family, and sometimes wish things were different, but I cn truly say that, at this point in my life, I wouldn't trade them for anything.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
(crickets chirping)
Nothing at all exciting going on in these parts.
Had computer troubles last week, so I was unable to check my mail.
Good thing-no one sent anything important.
Bad thing- no one sent anything at all.
One thing to look forward to this week is going to VA for my cousins high school graduation. Visiting family is always fun.
As for now... just getting by one day at a time.
Had computer troubles last week, so I was unable to check my mail.
Good thing-no one sent anything important.
Bad thing- no one sent anything at all.
One thing to look forward to this week is going to VA for my cousins high school graduation. Visiting family is always fun.
As for now... just getting by one day at a time.
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