Balancing Act

I've been painting myself in a corner lately, and can't stop.

Over the past few years I've reevaluated myself and realized that I tend to come off as needy and clingy. To counteract this, I try to act more relaxed and nonchalant around others, particularly of the opposite sex. On the outside I may seem cool and laid back, but on the inside I'm a ball of nerves, obsessing over every single word said and gesture made. Thinking that I'm coming off as a go-with-the-flow kind of girl, I instead come off as a bitch who 's callous, cold hearted and detached.

I need to find a balance because I'm inadvertently pushing everyone away.

I've always had a problem with communication. Not that I don't do it, but I seem to do it too much. I regularly feel the need to voice every thoughts and emotions, thinking that it will give people an insight as to how I feel and think, but it just makes them feel uncomfortable because they're not sure if they should appreciate it or just awkwardly back away.

I need balance.

Fast.

I don't want to lose any of the few friends I still have, and I'd like to make some new ones.

I've always thought of myself as a keen observer but lately, I'm slipping. It's getting harder and harder to read people.

How do I fix this?

I don't want to live a life of solitude, but it's starting to look like I should get used to it.

Tryna Make Moves

This summer has been a seemingly futile attempt to change my life. Because of the bad luck
I've been having at finding decent employment, I signed up for vocational classes thinking it would better my chances, but nothing seems to work fast enough. the quckest turn around program is a month. In the grand pucture thats not much time at all, but given the fact that I've been umployed for months now, that seems like forever. I did have an interview for a counselor position, but that doesn't start until September, which includes three weeks of training. I'm starting to lose my mind.

I've been keeping my therapy appointments, which is a struggle for me, but my therapist doesn't keep her end of the bargain. More than once, I showed up to her office just to read a note on the door saying that she's left for the day. WTF?!

I know I'm all over the place tonight but I have so much going through my mind right now. I figure that it's better to get something on than page than nothing.