My hearts been heavy lately. And I'm not sure if it's because I'm not taking my meds since they tend to give me that numbness I'm unsure if I should appreciate.
Haven't figured it out yet.
Me hearts been heavy because I'm at a point where i feel like I need to keep my mother at a distance and the guy I'm in love with wants to keep some distance from me.
She tries to give me the guilt trip for not helping her out financially and he feels guilty when he comes over.
The more I stay away from her the more he stays away from me.
She wants me to be closer to him and he wants me to be closer to her.
I swear they're working together.
I haven't been skipping my meds purposely. I just didn't have time to take them.
The 30 seconds it takes to swallow was too much.
Now I'm seeing the results of missed doses:
Too much alcohol
Not enough sleep
Heightened sex drive
Decreasing bank account
Aggressive behavior
I've been avoiding my mother because she always asks for money like I'm required to give it to her. And I expect him to visit me like he's supposed to.
I try to give him space but I can't.
Don't know if it;s the absence of meds or the presence of me.
I just want him to want me as much as I want him.
And for her to not need me as much as she thinks she does.
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