Magical Thinking

I've been so excited about the upcoming changes in my life that I'm starting to second guess my decisions, which happens to me too often. When I told my family about my move next month they all disagreed with my decision. According to them, they think I should either stay at home (which is basically rent free) or get a used car. I don't have a problem with my mom, I just want my own space. And getting a car would be more convenient for getting around, but I have public transportation. In my eyes a bus pass is cheaper than a hotel stay. One point they do have is that I might be moving too soon. I had been thinking about moving for over a year now, I just didn't tell them until last month (which was technically two weeks ago), so it does seem like it came out of nowhere. Even though I thought everything through, I am starting to worry about how I'm going to be able to pay the rent. Granted the rent is low enough for me to pay on time and not have to change my lifestyle, which is why I wanted this place so bad, but I do worry that I'll get fired between now and next month. It's not that I have poor work performance, I'm just a worry wart. I always worry. No matter how thought out a plan is, I always nitpick over the smallest variables.

Even though my job will last for at least the next 8 wks, I get a refund check from school at the end of February, and my rent isn't due until March, I'm still worried about money.

Even if I change my work schedule to part time and know that I will still be able to make rent, I'm still worried.

Even if I get fired tomorrow (which I'm praying doesn't happen) I will still be able to make rent. I may only be able to make it for February and have to move at the end of the month, I will still be able to make it.

Wait.

Putting too many negative scenarios out there is making me nervous.

I'm worried that too much thought into these negative scenarios will give them just enough spark to bring them to fruition.

I'll calm myself by thinking about the layout of my new space.

Even if I am only there for a month, at least I can say that I made it happen.