Trigger Happy

Today was an angry day for me. My adolescence and young adulthood was filled with them, but today stood out because for the first time I was able to pinpoint the trigger for the anger.

This morning I was awakened by the noise of my 11 month old niece and when I went downstairs I saw that the front porch being sanded and repainted. When I asked my mother about it she said she wanted a new look for fall. I thought nothing of it. My mom left the house to run errands, but before she got back, my sister came over to pick up the baby and asked about the porch work being done. When I told her that I didn't know any details, she got a little peeved and said something about how she should have been consulted because, even though the work would eventually need to be done, my mother sometimes makes rash decisions that aren't always the best ones. When she left I continued with my day of nothing that involved sitting in front of the t.v., but about an hour later I had a strong feeling of anger and rage. I noticed that I was pacing around the house, slamming cabinets, gritting my teeth, and answering the ringing phone with an edge to my voice, so I decided to focus on the anger and try to figure out where it came from.

I realized that I was angry about my mother having the porch painted. I know I don't have a say about what she does to her house, but this bothered me because I feel like she's putting my needs on the back burner. She originally agreed to loan me money to pay a past due balance at school that would allow me to finally register for classes, but over the last two weeks she's been complaining about not having the money to loan me. How could she not have the money when she's paying someone to do a job that wasn't urgent?

After I realized the trigger I then thought about my reaction. Do I have a right to be mad about what she did, and if so, was I too mad?

With most of my emotions I have a hard time finding the right balance. I feel like I need other people's opinions, but with a lot of things about me, I haven't found someone who could relate.

Did I have the proper amount of anger?