I was in such a rush to post yesterday that I left out the the fact that I was dating. Last fall, I decided to date my good friend. We'll call him J-dub*. J-dub and I were both hesitant because we didn't want to ruin our friendship, but in the end we decided to give it a shot. We agreed that it would be an open monogamous relationship. We weren't actually together, but we could see other people. We could have one night stands but no love affairs. Things were going great. We were spending a lot of our free time with each other and enjoying ourselves. If we weren't together, we were on the phone. It was like I was in high school again. As much as J-dub said he didn't want a relationship, his actions showed me different.
He was sending me mixed messages. He didn't look at me like I was his girl, but would get jealous when I mentioned other guys. More than once I told him that he couldn't play both sides of the fence. I guess he realized what he was doing because he slowly started backing away. Just when I was getting into the groove of our 'arrangement', as a passing thought he says that he's now celibate. I don't know what I did for him to come to that conclusion, or if I even contributed to it, but I do know that I miss him. I can't say that it wasn't worth it, but I feel like our friendship will never be the same.
I'm not going to press him for any details about his decision. All I can do is support his choice. Whenever he's ready to talk I will be there to listen. If I can't date him, I'll at least be a good friend. You never know what will happen in the future. It might be then of an affair, but it could also be the start of a beautiful friendship.
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