I haven't posted because I haven't been up to much.

Wake up around noon
Have a cup of coffee and a cigarrette
Eat
Lie down
Smoke and eat some more
Go to bed

Day in and day out that's what its been until today. I didn't do much but I did something different. When I woke up I had my usual craving for coffee but instead of just going down the stairs and pouring a brewed cup I got myself together and went to Dunkin' Donuts. It doesn't sound like much but getting out of the house in the morning, outside of going to work, is a big thing. Its a whole process that on most days I'd rather not do. But today I did it. Not only did I get coffee but I went to the beauty supply store to get some fake hair for my new hair do.

For the past few years I've been wearing my natural hair texture, which is kinky. I've done hair dyes and hot oil treaments but nothing to make it straight. I realized that by not wearing my natural textures I was falling into the hype that I wasn't beautiful. That the real me was something I had to hide. It took me years to get over the perms and straighteners but today I realized that I'm not ashamed of myself, but instead ashamed for the people who believe all that hype. Don't get me wrong. I love a big beautiful fro as much as Sister Souljah but I also love the fact that I am a woman and can change my look whenever the mood strikes. So today had less to do with me getting out of the house and more to do with me accepting the fact that I like fake hair and am proud of it.