A Brother's Love

My backwards thinking and doing got me again. I should've started the blog off with this post, but I wasn't thinking clearly, which happens to me too often.

The reason for this blog came about in an off handed kind of way. I recently went through a pretty bad 'episode' ( I like to call them that since I like television so much), had no one to talk to about it and posted an ad on craigslist . I thought I would only get responses from stupid people telling me to go kill myself or I'm the reason why men are afraid to date women, etc., etc. I guess I just needed someone to prove that I existed, since breathing doesn't do that for me sometimes. Within a few hours, I got tons of responses from sincere and caring people who related to my symptoms, offered advice, and even offered their professional services. One e-mailer directed me to the site she found the craigslist post on, and I couldn't believe it. My cry for help was actually answered.

Liz Spikol, managing editor of Philadelphia Weekly, who has a blog of her own, dedicated a blog post and song of the day to me!!! Little ol' me!!! You can check out her site here . I had always been a fan of hers because of her honesty and bravery for owning her disorder. Somehow I missed her leap from paper to web, but no more. I am now an avid fan, and have already ripped through her archives. Fast forward to today--I was talking with a co-worker about our condition (she suffers also from the big B.D.), how I found Liz's blog, and how, in doing research for support groups and general mental health facilities for the working but uninsured, I was coming up empty handed. I also mentioned that, now that I know the symptoms, and know from experience that family members can be either close-minded about seeking treatment or just in plain ol' denial, I see how prevalent mental illness is in the Black community. All she could say was, 'You should start a blog'. I thought it over and in one second I felt both competent and inferior. Competent enough in the fact that I know what I feel is real and now know that I am not alone, but inferior because I know I procrastinate, over analyze and nit pick at the smallest details. But if you're reading this, then you know that I am feeling competent right now. And also a little too bright-eyed considering that I have to wake up at 7 a.m. tomorrow. If I'm going to have manic episodes, I might as well put them to good use and get the word out.

So, with this blog, I intend to compile as much info as I possibly can about the mental health facilities in the area (emphasis on intend) and reassure people that the battle can be won. The first step is owning the problem. For years I thought I just needed 'a little motivation', or I had to 'put it in God's hands', or any other phrase that non-bipolar people say, but it took me 5 years to own my madness. I hate to quote Dr. Phil, but 'if you don't own it, you can't change it'.

Thanks Philly.